A Lesson From The Past

I've been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately. She died last October, and I still struggle with the grief of losing her. Although, by the time she died, what we remembered of her was already gone. She was a terrific woman who succumbed to dementia, but through it all she never lost her faith and she never stopped loving us. So, I guess you can't completely lose everything you are to a mental disease.

Eli can attest to the fact that sometimes I just think of her and... well, it gets bad sometimes. The other day, a little old lady was checking out some large print books. She just reminded me so much of Grandma because Grandma loved reading. I mean, she really loved it. She had only gone to school up to grade eight back in Italy and didn't learn English until she moved here... in her early thirties, I guess. Didn't matter though, she still read pretty much every book Mom had on her bookshelf and more.

Anyway, the old lady reminded me so much of my grandma that that's all I could think about for the rest of that day. That night was pretty brutal for me, too. Not fun.

I remember when I was younger, Grandma used to tell me all kinds of crazy stories from the old country. She told me all about my grandfather, who died of MS a month before I was even a twinkle in my mother's eyes. I can't decide which is a crueler fate: that I never got to know my grandfather, or that I have to suffer the pain of losing a grandmother I did know so well.

My grandfather had a twin brother, who I met a few times. They were fraternal twins and looked absolutely nothing alike. One time, my grandma told me about how after Grandpa died, his twin offered to marry her. Sounds so old-fashioned, I know. And what did she say? No, of course. I mean, she could have said yes and he would have taken good care of her. But she said no.

I have to say, if it had been me in that situation, I would have done the same thing. I mean, if Eli died and Josh, or Izzy, or Tom said, "Hey, I can take care of you," I would say no. It's not because I don't like them. They're all really great, like I'm sure my grandfather's twin was. But I can't just be married to someone for the sake of being married, no matter who it is. I just can't imagine ever being married to someone without being in love with them. Which, I'm sure, is how Grandma felt, too.

I wish I could say I was like her, but I'm not sure I was. She was really a terrific person, and I'm not just saying that because she's dead. I'm saying it because it's true. There are things I know I can still learn from her. She married the love of her life, she was faithful to him through all those hard years where his sickness slowly made him fully paralized, and she never turned her back on his memory. I'd like to be that kind of wife.